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Kook Professional Deluxe v2.0

AHBL Proudly Presents...

Kook Professional Deluxe v2.0!

Ever wanted to froth like a pro but without the effort?  The AHBL has the package for YOU.  Our professional team of expert whackjobs and spammers have come up with the perfect package of software designed to meet the needs of the aspiring kook!  Designed to run on Windows XP or 2003, KPD provides a perfect blend of raving and ranting with a touch of cart00ney.

KPD v2.0 features:

  • Insta-Kook™ Technology - guaranteed to get you listed with the AHBL in one e-mail or usenet posting or your money back!

  • KRAP™ (Kook Rational Action Profiler) is your key to keeping kooky without ever giving up!  Allows anyone to appear to be multiple distinct raving lunatics by using open proxies and the latest DipSlime technology!

  • Over 500 professionally written templates allowing you to file false complaints with your opponent's ISP, threaten them with non-existent laws in congress, and scream and rant like a spanked spammer with absolutely no effort on your part!

  • MegaAbuseBlaster™ uses advanced proxy scanning and chaining to allow up to 40,000 fake abuse complaints per hour to be fired at the provider of your choice, causing them to terminate your opponent from sheer frustration!  Combined with the abuse report templates, allows you to appear to be over 500 people reporting abuse with no way to track back to you!

  • MyFirstLawSuite™ Kit is the perfect companion to any full fledged kook, allowing you to generate easy to use and send legal threats with professional letterhead saying "Law Firm of Haagen & Daaz" and other reputible law firms.

  • SuperAntiSupression™ uses Moronis's Patented SPEWS RATS LIST to filter out known anti-spammers who might ruin your spam runs.  Automatically places them in your KookeryQuarantine™ and queued for retailiation.

  • MyFirstDDoS™ Kit uses the KookeryQuarantine™ to target and blow evil anti-spammers off the map!  Use professionally built drone networks to do your bidding and keep you out of the line of fire.  Requires a valid subscription to ScriptKiddie Weekly enhanced proxy service!

  • New Point and Froth technology allows you to froth with style, even when fully drunk or high on crack!  Never worry again about not being able to respond after drinking Darl's Special Stash of SCO Koolaid!

  • Super Spammer Blinders - the expert way to be completely clueless when being hit with a clue-by-four!  Never again have any common sense for as long as you wear them!

  • Richard The Stupid's (RtS) Usenet Kookery For Dummies, and the step by step guide to getting a Usenet newsgroup named after you!


KPD v2.0 also includes free trials of:

  • SendSafe - Send your libel and slander without being traced, guaranteed!

  • Webhosting - host your phishing or spam site on bullet-proof hosting services and never worry about being shut off again!  Includes one year of service free of service with either Level3, XO, or AT&T (Pink slip included!)

  • Includes a coupon for a free bucket of chicken from KFC!

 

If you order before midnight tonight and provide a throw away email address we can spam you with, and we'll provide you a limited edition signed autograph copy of your favorite ROKSO spammer suitable for framing or display on the dashboard of your automobile!  Choose from Alan Ralsky, Brian Haberstroh, or a limited edition pre-conviction Gaven Stubberfield!

But wait - there's more: if you are one of the first 100 orders we receive for the new KPD v2.0 you'll get a copy of Leonard Nimoy's latest work "I'm not SPEWS" where you can learn all about the secrets of Lake Baikal and who really is behind the spam prevention early warning system - a must have for all kooks!

DON'T DELAY!  ORDER TODAY!